Understanding TBRI: A Compassionate Approach to Managing Challenging Behaviors in Children

Parenting a child with challenging behaviors can feel overwhelming, confusing, and at times, isolating. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why won’t my child just listen?” or “Nothing seems to work,” you are not alone. Many children struggle to regulate their emotions and actions, especially if they’ve experienced stress, trauma, or disruptions in connection. This is where TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) can be a game-changer.

What is TBRI?

TBRI is a caregiving model developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross at the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development. It is especially effective for children who have experienced trauma, neglect, or other difficult early experiences, but its principles can help any child—and any caregiver—build stronger, more trusting relationships.

At its core, TBRI is about connection before correction. Rather than focusing only on stopping bad behavior, TBRI encourages caregivers to understand the why behind the behavior and respond with empathy, structure, and nurture.

TBRI is built on three guiding principles:

1. Empowering – Addressing a child's physical and environmental needs.

2. Connecting – Building trusting relationships through consistent, meaningful interactions.

3. Correcting – Teaching life skills and appropriate behaviors in a way that respects the child's needs.

   
   

Example 1: The Grocery Store Meltdown

Scenario: You’re in the middle of a grocery run when your 4-year-old suddenly throws themselves on the floor, screaming because you didn’t buy the cereal with the cartoon character on it.

Typical Reaction:

“Stop that right now or we’re leaving!"

”Why are you acting like this? You know better!”

These reactions are understandable, but they may escalate the situation by triggering fear or disconnection in the child.

TBRI Approach:

1. Empower: Has your child eaten recently? Are they tired, overstimulated, or in need of a break?

2. Connect: Get down to your child’s eye level and say calmly, “I see you’re really upset. It’s okay to be disappointed. I’m here with you.”

3. Correct: After the child calms down, offer a simple choice. “Would you like to help me pick out a different cereal or help carry the milk?”

By offering presence and choice, you reduce power struggles and help your child feel safe and seen.

Example 2: Hitting During Playtime

Scenario: Your 5-year-old hits their younger sibling because they didn’t want to share a toy.

Typical Reaction:

“Go to your room! We don’t hit!”

While boundaries are important, isolation in moments of emotional dysregulation can lead to more fear and less learning.

TBRI Approach:

1. Empower: Was your child feeling overwhelmed, hungry, or tired? Did they feel out of control?

2. Connect: Move close and use a calm, firm voice. “I can see you’re frustrated. Let’s take a deep breath together.”

3. Correct: After reconnecting, explain: “In our family, we use gentle hands. Let’s try again. Can you show me a kind way to ask for the toy?”

Over time, these steps teach emotional regulation, not just obedience.

Example 3: Refusing to Get Ready for Bed

Scenario: It’s bedtime, but your child is running around, yelling, and refusing to change into pajamas.

TBRI Approach:

1. Empower: Check the basics—do they need water? Is the bedtime routine predictable and calming?

2. Connect: Try playful engagement: “Let’s play pajama race! I’ll race you to your room!” or “Can your teddy help you brush your teeth?”

3. Correct: Use gentle structure. “I know you want to keep playing. Bedtime helps our bodies grow strong. Would you like two or five more minutes before we start pajamas?”

   
   

Why TBRI Works

TBRI recognizes that all behavior is a form of communication. Instead of punishing children for expressing distress in difficult ways, TBRI helps caregivers tune into the unmet need underneath the behavior—whether it’s fear, hunger, disconnection, or confusion—and respond with both empathy and structure.

This doesn’t mean letting children do whatever they want. It means being the calm, consistent guide they need to feel safe, even when their behavior is chaotic.

Final Thoughts

Using TBRI takes time and practice, but its effects can be transformative. As you begin to view challenging behaviors as calls for connection, not control, you’ll find new confidence in your parenting—and new peace in your home.

If you’re struggling, you’re not failing. You’re learning. And your child is too.